we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
