Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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