lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Randomize
