Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize