Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
