what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
