Your mouth is God's brothel.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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