My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
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