He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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