just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
