I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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