Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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