Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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