I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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