When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
