Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Randomize
