i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize