Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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