and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize