but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Randomize
