Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
