Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
