My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
