now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Randomize
