do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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