the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
