Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
