i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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