Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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