mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
