I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
