AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
