I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
