I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
