I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
