just tell him i said nine months
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
