There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
