Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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