We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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