just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
