I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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