Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
All the doctor said was why
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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