i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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