Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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