i'm signing you up for texting rehab
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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