I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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