His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
