Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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