dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
