In America we eat man semen.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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