theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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