whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize