it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
