And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
3pm strippers are depressing
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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