He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
