How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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