I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
