Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
