why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
its not stalking. its research.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
