i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize