i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
