Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
