I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
