can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
