great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
