Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
