Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
