Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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