Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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