Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
