Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
