i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
