Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
