rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize