the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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