i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
