My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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