The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
