Already got asked if we're dating
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
