I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
