i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
