listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Randomize