I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
