no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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