im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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