How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
