I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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