The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
