Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
